When writing my initial thoughts on this podcast, I focused a lot on my use of the word “story”.

It’s a word that, according to some websites, has about ten different definitions. To explain this word, and all of the ways it can be used, encompasses truths, and falsehoods. It can imply a standard, or a lack thereof. It is a word that feels like too much, too little, and yet at the end - exactly what this podcast is.

This podcast, hosted by Jason Moon from NHPR’s Document Team, takes us to a Christmas tree farm in Vermont. The top of this mountain holds foggy memories that have as many truths as it has falsehoods. It is tragic, difficult, and one of those situations that makes you pause, question, and consider. A Private Matter is powerful in its gentle untangling of humanity, without pointing fingers, letting us find the way.

I got caught up in the word “story” because to call A Private Matter a “story” felt dismissive of its weight and the way it deftly meanders through a range of difficult topics. This isn’t quite like the other seasons either. Bear Brook in its past seasons covered stories that reached out much farther in a clearer, and more direct way. This one felt more personal, and with that, it cuts way deeper than previous seasons.

In using phrases like “this story” it felt as if I was reducing a man’s life, and this community’s experience, to a lesson - a fable. Yet, the more I thought about it, the contradiction of the word “story” - with its ability to be truth and fallacy, is the only word to describe this. We know some truths, are garunteed some lies, and upon further reflection, maybe this would’ve become local legend at a different time.

In 2024 a local man with dementia is reported missing in Epsom, New Hampsire. It seems simple enough. He lives at the top of a mountain, surrounded by wilderness, with his wife who is also aging. The simplest answer is he was lost to the wilderness. People with dementia wander off with relative frequency, and Jay Hickey was no exception.

It seems like a tragic reality of living so close to woods with an illness like this. That is, until it comes out that Jay hasn’t actually been seen since the year before.

His wife Patty is suspected, his illness is suspected, and the questions at the center of this story have a lot to do with the lines between community, privacy, and when we have a right to each of these things.

We are lead through formal and semi-formal investigations, town gossip, and even take a turn into spiritual movements. With every passing beat we come up with more and more questions, and never an answer.

As unsatisfying as that may come across, this is one of those podcasts where true crime comes out meaning something more than “ooh spooky crime mystery”. These are the best true crime stories, by the way. The ones that highlight not just people, but our culture and its pitfalls.

Through these five epsiodes, Jason Moon takes us through every part of this situation with care and curiosity, reflected not only in the writing and general structure - but also the music he composed for this podcast. From a production standpoint, it paces well and I think will be about as good for a weekend marathon as it is for its week to week release. A listener may want everything at once, or may need breaks as they sit with the depth of this podcast.

The entire series seems like it is on the steady path of “whodunnit” - until we realize it has been leading us to the question “What can we do?” instead of “What happened?”

The empathetic curiosity is key in this type of exploration. Jason Moon and the producers may very well have wanted to find the definitive answer, but I think we all walk away from the story of Jay and Patty Hickey with more substance because we don’t have answers.

When thinking about this podcast, I spent a little time wondering about the age distribution in the United States, and played around with some graphs on the Census website. The differences in age distribution tells a story that doesn’t seem sobering until we hear a story like that of Jay Hickey.

Healthcare is getting better, people are living longer. While this is an incredible blessing for many of us - it also presents a new challenge. Elder care in a world where we value indepdence and resiliance is one of the most challenging things for people to face. I know people are facing these questions across the board, children to ageing parents, grandchildren to grandparent.

Whose job is it to take care of ageing adults? We seem like we have a system, albeit horrifically flawed, to at least somewhat take care of children. What about seniors?

The Hickey family has a complicated history, so Jay and Patty weren’t going to be taken care of by their kids, or even siblings with their own health concerns. Their family was spread around the country, the community they lived in didn’t want to pry too much. It was a family matter after all. By the time anyone realized something was amiss, it was too late.

Season: Three (out of three)

Genre: True Crime

Episodes: Five (3/5 out as of this review)

Total Time: 2+ Hours

My Thoughts Abridged: 10/10 Excellent Podcast, True Crime with a Point, Excellent Production

See More Critic Reviews On Great Pods

In my gut I feel like until the last 30 years or so, Jay’s dissapearance maybe would have been a headline, and then forgotten. Up until recently we didn’t have the degree of connected, of drones, dogs, or professional search teams.

Before my lifetime, the story would’ve been about a community that had to move on from the old man who got lost in the woods. The whispers that followed his wife until her death would’ve sparked local legends about the Christmas tree farm on the top of the hill.

Now it’s a podcast, and still a story. A Private Matter is a reminder to consider the ageing population, our complex relationships between family and neighbors, and what we want the world to look like.

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